We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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