i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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