What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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