i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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