did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
