tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walk of Shame today included voting.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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