Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
