i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
