chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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