I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
