Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
