Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
