I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize