If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
