people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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