Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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