found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
