Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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