Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
