she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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