His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
