You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
false alarm, still single
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
