i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
