everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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