did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Welp...herpes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
