I could have mohawked her pubes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
