well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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