I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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