Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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