She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
