I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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