The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is an emotional support booty call
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
