home. puking in laundry basket.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
