Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
