***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
