Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
