i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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