so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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