Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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