Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
