it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize