U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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