She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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