Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
