6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
