Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it glows. i had to have it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
