im six kinds of drunk right now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
