i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize