there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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