He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
