I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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