I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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