dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
