The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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