We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
