why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
