Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
