Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
