I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
