if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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