her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
