it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
