I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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