I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
