we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
