I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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