...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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