He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
