There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
