i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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