We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
