oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize